Is there a tooth brush in your suitcase?

I talking with a client the other day who was just beginning her 6 month journey with me, and I said to her: "The key piece of all of this is patience and compassion, those are the two companions you need to keep close as you go down the 'football field'.

I gave her the metaphor of:
Picture a football field, and you are at one goal post.
You have a sofa with no wheels, you are 5 years old, and there is a bunch of mis-matched luggage on the cushions.
Your journey will feel at times impossible...you just cannot push that sofa one inch.
And, there are other times when you can get some real movement, and never think about the 'sofa'.

But, I promise you, if you do the work here, by the time you get to the opposing goal post, you will have let go of all the mis-matched suitcases, and have only your tooth brush...and light as a feather and in total control.
(don't forget to pack your Coppertone)

FEAR is the access to SUCCESS

I went to a networking event last week where Amy Applebaum was the keynote speaker.
When she used the phrase: Fear is the access to Success, a bell went off in my head; one of my brother's favorite expressions as a young adult was the existential comment:
WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU, MAKES YOU STRONGER.

Why do I relate these two comments?

Because the root of each comment is the same; perseverance will prevail. What ever is blocking you from your next goal can be shifted, moved aside, broken into smaller pieces and the journey to do that is as important to your self-esteem as reaching that goal.
Often what holds us back is the FEAR to be viewed differently not only from our outside world but more potently, our perception of ourselves.

The key to unlocking the FEAR is to move in small, consistent steps; not huge leaps. In order to truly heal, we need to keep emotionally current as we make changes. Winning the lottery does not give us the time to process the change, which is why most winners go bankrupt.

'Coming 'Round the Mountain.....

We all know this line from a Gene Autry song: "She'll be coming round the mountain when she comes..." which is sung with the joy of anticipation.

But, the other day, when speaking to one of the few male clients I have and we were going over, again, why he was stuck in the fear mode, and that's all that it was, and nothing more, his response was:
"I really need to deal with this, I have been going around this mountain too many times..." My response to him was: "Healing moves very s-l-o-w-l-y, and we need to move forth with compassion, patience, and reasonable expectations. You did not get here in 6 months or 2 years..it will take time and consistency to make any change permanent.

I loved his metaphor because that's often how the future appears....a high mountain ahead and we feel like a small creature. The secret is to change the incline; instead of going around flat, elevate the path to 15 degrees. It won't feel so dramatic and scary but will get you to the top. Small changes will have huge results.

Credentials or street smarts....

The other day someone asked me (for the umpteenth time) what my credentials are for doing what I do.
I answered: "I have a PhD in street smarts" (got that from Jacqueline Wales).
They laughed, and got the message and then explained to me they rely on their instincts and ignore the formal credentials.
Good.
But, why do some insist upon the alphabet soup after the name in order to feel comfortable?

I have come to the conclusion that when people are either out of their depth, in unfamiliar territory or lack trust of themselves, they don't have a finely tuned sense of what should be happening.

Being able to be a 'good' judge comes from having some familiarity or at the very least, knowing and trusting yourself. How many people have I seen that lack that basic tenet? Plenty. Self-confidence and trust go together and are born from self-esteem and respect.

Knowing yourself is the key to knowing others.

When it's never 'good enough'.....

I often talk about the perfection mode so many people live with: no matter what they do, it's never good enough; passing sales goals in a month,loosing those 40 pounds, winning the marathon, flying to the moon.
I talk about how that drive for perfection is the endless road; the emotional infinity.

The infinity of perfection is really about the hamster wheel;the endless chase...one keeps running but really never catches the reward of love. This mind set gets cemented in a child's psyche by the time they are 5 years old; they attach performance to finally getting the acceptance and love they were/are entitled to have.

Here's the irony: I help others see it, tackle it and heal from it, but I never thought I was part of 'that' band; I never thought it applied to me until two things happened in the same week.
I had accomplished something that I had been working on all month with very clear daily goals and statistics. I exceeded my goals and many congratulated me...I felt nothing.
I started dating a fellow who was quite smitten with me. All of his compliments fell on deaf ears. I felt nothing.

Coming home from my last date with him, I took stock of the evening and saw the similarity between the two experiences and realized I too had the perfection 'chip', it just unfolds in a different manner.

In my next post, I am going to share with you how I am solving this puzzle and allowing myself to finally receive in arenas that have traditionally been verboten.