Is That Your Hand in MY Pocket ?

Why negotiating is good for your self-esteem.

There’s no question that women have issues about money, entitlements, and boundaries.
Knowing where this all comes from is a critical piece in someone’s journey of healing. Self-awareness is the portal to repairing the damage a woman feels today from her childhood experiences and societal messaging.
The women who negotiate about personal items verses business items, are comfortable in their sense of entitlements; “it’s my money and I will decide how and where I spend it, and I am not concerned about your perception of WHO I am in this exchange.” Bravo !!

But, most women shy away from negotiating because it touches off shame and the lack of boundaries. So often what underlies the hesitation to negotiate is the need for approval and to be liked, even by a stranger. How many times do you hear women refuse to go into small boutiques to shop because the attention of the sales person is too focused on them? They have difficulty setting the boundaries and will feel intimidated, whereas in a larger store, they can be almost invisible.

A good tool for one’s self-esteem is this:
Look at purchasing as a game. Find what you want, set a price lower than the ticket and then engage the salesperson and query them how to get the item for less… what would you have to give up to knock the price down? And, relax while you do it, keep your face and body soft and likable, smile a lot and be persistent. People prefer to deal with people who are sweet, lovely, and humorous…. remember, they may be having a challenging day, and you could very well be the highlight of their day.

Gulliver's Travels ....

There is a phrase I use constantly when talking to people about how authentic change is a very slow moving process, and patience combined with compassion is the way to manage that time.
The phrase is: "like little cat feet...." and the example I use is: " If you were walking from here to Santa Barbara, and everyday you only took ONE cat step, it might take you a year to get to SB, but you would get there....." Everyone nods in acknowledgment....they get the picture.

Then another image came to mind in trying to get a client to grasp the enormity of the journey, so she would stop punishing herself for not making faster progress.

Gulliver...remember the image of him being tied down by thousands of tiny, thin ropes that to him were 'just' strings...but how the villagers actually had control over him.

Well, our fears, our monsters in our closets are like the villagers....holding us back from living a life that belongs to us, not our fears.

So, each time we have a cat step forward, we are cutting yet another rope, another tie, releasing another fear from occupancy in our heads.
And, it moves slowly.....intentionally.

So, be patient, be kind to yourself, you are on the right road....

Back In The Saddle....

No, I am not taking up Gene Autry songs from the prairie...as you all have noticed, I have been AWOL for four months. A self-imposed hiatus as I dealt with a lot of personal loss and change that took all of my concentration and focus to stay 'in the boat', as I call it when the storm kicks up, challenging everything we thought we 'knew' to be true.

( I love metaphors...)

So, back I am, in a new home, in a new part of LA, and living a partially new life, which I have earned at a cost.

"The cost"? you might ask....the cost was/is about letting go; letting go of demons, more monsters in my closet, re-defining my life without the luggage of drama. Experiencing my life sans the confusion.

So, I am on the eve of my business really expanding yet again...the recordings are up on the site, Susan Solovic is putting me on her ABC Show this Friday, PR releases are out and the telephone is ringing......this is a good week....

My August Newsletter is about PERMISSION and I am including one of my recordings...so sign up and listen to one of my clients talk about SHAME.