I was sitting with a dear friend today who's birthday is this week...turning 46...and I commented on my approaching birthday ( it's 9 months away..) but still, time is moving too fast. I said to her: "I can't dance fast enough to catch up with my life."
After she stopped laughing she said: "What a great book title !" But, it's true...time is speeding so fast, I feel like I have whiplash.
But, the other part of why things feel they are moving so fast is: I am in the dark as to what is around the corner for me; I have my favorite dog loosing her health, I am giving up this amazing house that has helped me heal these last 2.5 years, and my perfect paycheck job is in re-invention mode, so, for the next 6 months, I need a replacement.
Did you just think: "STRESS???" Yup....that's my life now...and has been here since November. But, sometimes I step back and look at the 3 lessons these life altering events are forcing me to face: DOG: Letting go; House: standing still; Job search: Patience.
Each one of those, by themselves is a huge challenge for me, but all three....that's the trifecta! Where can I go to gain wisdom to cope with all of this? Where can I go to just get a break from the constant feeling of a boot on my neck? How do I let go and let it all float off my psyche like paint rising in water off a canvas?
Unfortunately, there is no taking a vacation from this self-imposed 'hamster-on-a-wheel' cycle. The only way out is to bring in the Canadian Mounted Police: Trust, Faith and Courage. This is a toughie...this is real challenge, this feels like the hardest thing I have ever done...: Let go, Stand Still and have Patience. And the underlying force for all three has been fear, so by letting go of the fear, and not jumping into action because of fear and stopping the internal assumptions that what is in my hand will disappear because of fear, I can begin to ground myself and come from a place of power and control. Fear and power are opposite sides of the same coin.
So, another month has passed....and my birthday is now even closer....but, I'm getting some perspective....and not buying candles this week.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Worrying...a form of punishment ?
There is no doubt that worrying is gender specific; women worry more than men. I was thinking about an article a friend sent the other day from a woman's health site that was taking about the physical ramifications of worrying and how it is so bad for one's health. Well,on one hand, that just adds more worrying; worrying about worrying. hmmmm.
And then I started to think, "why do we worry more?"
I always go backwards to our development as a society...back to pioneer days, back to cave man days ...and what seems to be consistent is the feeling of vulnerability; women have that instinctively, men don't. Women were left behind to tend the hearth, protect the children, keep the nest intact; men were out competing and bringing home food.
Ok, so now what do we do with that insight?
I have had clients for whom worrying is almost a second job. For me, worrying has taken on the subtle mantel of self-punishment. As my life has shifted in many ways quite dramatically this past year, my anger over some of my choices is surfacing, and instead of being played out in a direct manner, it has been disguised as worrying.
How do I know this to be true? Because every time we depart from being totally authentic and allow our fears to control our actions, we are being unfaithful to ourselves. It matters less the 'weapon of choice' and more that once we have crossed over the threshold of taking back our lives, we are smarter, more aware and more clever to find new ways to keep ourselves in the dark. It is a constant work in progress.
Worrying takes us away from being in the moment. Worrying shifts the focus from the now to the future, and side steps the compassion for our selves and the surrender of the thinking that things will be whatever the universe has planned for us.
For me, this has been the year of letting go...which I think I have only made progress to 25%; it is truly one of the hardest things for me to do. Letting go requires trust of the unknown, giving up control, getting on you back and floating.
More about that next time...
And then I started to think, "why do we worry more?"
I always go backwards to our development as a society...back to pioneer days, back to cave man days ...and what seems to be consistent is the feeling of vulnerability; women have that instinctively, men don't. Women were left behind to tend the hearth, protect the children, keep the nest intact; men were out competing and bringing home food.
Ok, so now what do we do with that insight?
I have had clients for whom worrying is almost a second job. For me, worrying has taken on the subtle mantel of self-punishment. As my life has shifted in many ways quite dramatically this past year, my anger over some of my choices is surfacing, and instead of being played out in a direct manner, it has been disguised as worrying.
How do I know this to be true? Because every time we depart from being totally authentic and allow our fears to control our actions, we are being unfaithful to ourselves. It matters less the 'weapon of choice' and more that once we have crossed over the threshold of taking back our lives, we are smarter, more aware and more clever to find new ways to keep ourselves in the dark. It is a constant work in progress.
Worrying takes us away from being in the moment. Worrying shifts the focus from the now to the future, and side steps the compassion for our selves and the surrender of the thinking that things will be whatever the universe has planned for us.
For me, this has been the year of letting go...which I think I have only made progress to 25%; it is truly one of the hardest things for me to do. Letting go requires trust of the unknown, giving up control, getting on you back and floating.
More about that next time...
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