A Self-Governing Individual

Sometimes I feel as my clients must feel; this roller coaster of emotions affected less by the lunar positions, immune from the glaring sun, dispatched from the softness of joy.
"What is this really all about?" I asked myself the other day..."what is really our purpose here, and why am I having a bad time?" Who can I complain to?

I truly believe what happens, happens for a reason...but, some days, I just would like a vacation from school, a break from being practical ALL the time, relief from duty.

I am whining...I am feeling sorry for myself and allowing the bunny inside of me to scamper all over the beautiful garden and not take one nibble from any beckoning rutabaga, seductive tomato or lyrical fiddlehead fern.

I started re-reading one of my favorite books: Eat, Pray, Love...the passage about India specifically. The reason why this book must have been so popular was that some of her feelings are universal to all women; they resonate in a way that not only breaks our isolation and validates our feelings but tracks her passage from the darkness to the light, without any apologies.

I like that.

And, I for once, totally changed how I start my day....I gave myself permission to sit in bed and read, journal while drinking tea ( I gave up coffee after 40 years..).
and when it starts to get light out, I am ready to go downstairs and feed my dog, feed myself and open my computer. It feels amazing!

I am giving myself permission to step away from the moving vehicle and breathe in a way I have never before breathed. As much as I thought I was in control of my life and making choices that were in my best interest...the spiritual piece of my life was/is incomplete.

In my wildest dreams I never thought I would be ever actually write a letter to GOD...and mail it. I never was one who counted on anyone for anything, except out of fear. I have always been a big proponent of writing by hand, whether they be thank-you notes or journaling, so writing a letter by itself did not seem odd; who it was addressed to, did. But, now that I am ramping up (or is it letting go...) my spiritual journey, I figured this would be okay.

So far, this has been a great couple of days. I feel different...softer, lighter more open.

Understandably. There's a new sheriff in town, and she making new choices and allowing the space to be fearless and full of trust and full of adventure.