How often when you are feeling fearful do you ‘give-in’ on something that you regret later? Submission is a form of self-punishment.
Why do we allow that ‘monster’ in our closet to dictate what we do, how we act.
Here’s the good news: self-awareness is the key to inner power. Having that quiet, calm control that springs from truly knowing one’s self is true power.
I am sure you know as many people as I do who are totally clueless…. even arrogant in their denial that anything is ‘wrong’ inside of them; their FEAR METER is off the charts. Their form of self-punishment is denial.
We allow our deep seeded, old fears to dictate our current lives because they are part of the survival system we constructed when we were very young children.
The news flash is, however, we are no longer 5 years old…we are adults and do adult like things…drive, drink, have babies, sail ships, fly planes, cook complicated dinners. But, emotionally, we are still 5 years old.
We now repeat the actions that we were forced to adhere to when we had no power; no ability to even see over the counter to make ourselves toast. We were innocent children.
Constantly dismissing all of our positive actions is a form of self-punishment.
Constantly second guessing our natural instincts is a form of self-punishment.
Always focusing on other’s needs is a form of self-punishment….and the list goes on, and on.
Anything that takes us away from our authentic self is a form of self-punishment.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Friday, June 19, 2009
Manipulation of perception
I was just cruising around the net looking for radio shows for women and came across a blog from a well known internet marketing woman who charges $15,000 for her short coaching series. Her explanation is this: "I'd rather have better qualified and fewer clients, than many clients who were less interesting."
I don't know about you, but when did spending or having more $$$ suddenly make you more interesting ?
The real truth is: (and thank you PT Barnum) If people are foolish enough to spend more because they THINK they are getting more value, think again...and again. At some point, what is the appreciable difference between $10,000 and $15,000 when no tangible goods are added. No additional time is added. It's all perception. And, sadly, manipulated by the seller.
When people are insecure, the timing is ripe to be taken advantage of. How else do advertising campaigns succeed ?
When people are dis-connected from their true self, their natural instincts get thwarted, their identity challenged. They make poor choices. And, they end up feeling like the victim. They are. They gave away their power and allowed fear to drive the bus...right into the wall of disappointment.
When we cannot be totally clear, we need to be still. Budda said: YOU CANNOT SEE YOUR REFLECTION IN MOVING WATER.
Trust your instincts...they are there for a reason.
I don't know about you, but when did spending or having more $$$ suddenly make you more interesting ?
The real truth is: (and thank you PT Barnum) If people are foolish enough to spend more because they THINK they are getting more value, think again...and again. At some point, what is the appreciable difference between $10,000 and $15,000 when no tangible goods are added. No additional time is added. It's all perception. And, sadly, manipulated by the seller.
When people are insecure, the timing is ripe to be taken advantage of. How else do advertising campaigns succeed ?
When people are dis-connected from their true self, their natural instincts get thwarted, their identity challenged. They make poor choices. And, they end up feeling like the victim. They are. They gave away their power and allowed fear to drive the bus...right into the wall of disappointment.
When we cannot be totally clear, we need to be still. Budda said: YOU CANNOT SEE YOUR REFLECTION IN MOVING WATER.
Trust your instincts...they are there for a reason.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
My Mother, Myself
I am reading Nancy Friday's 1977 book about a young girls' search for her own identity. The message is timeless; how we experience our mothers from the moment we exit the womb profoundly imprints how we view ourselves. For all the women I have seen over the last 2 years, the women who refuse to really look at their mothers as being flawed are the ones who have the least movement. Their refusal to allow in the 'light' is pure fear.
Children' need to see their mothers as perfect is a statement more about the fear of not being able to survive disappointment, which relates to the child's primal survival. The fear is: if the primary nurturer, Mom, can make a mistake, she might miss feeding me, holding me. So, children believe what their mother SAYS, but internally, they FEEL something is wrong. Thus, they are trapped. Reality verses fantasy. This is where our lives start to split into two tracks.
Our only hope as adults is for us to finally have compassion for our inner four year old, take care of her as we never were, listen to her and have patience. We can heal today, but it is a choice, it requires action, commitment, and honesty.
Have compassion for your past and patience for the future. Everything you do in this moment determines how you will feel 10 minutes from now, an hour from now.
Check out our June 17th workshop in Santa Monica: thefinancialwhisperer.com/events
Children' need to see their mothers as perfect is a statement more about the fear of not being able to survive disappointment, which relates to the child's primal survival. The fear is: if the primary nurturer, Mom, can make a mistake, she might miss feeding me, holding me. So, children believe what their mother SAYS, but internally, they FEEL something is wrong. Thus, they are trapped. Reality verses fantasy. This is where our lives start to split into two tracks.
Our only hope as adults is for us to finally have compassion for our inner four year old, take care of her as we never were, listen to her and have patience. We can heal today, but it is a choice, it requires action, commitment, and honesty.
Have compassion for your past and patience for the future. Everything you do in this moment determines how you will feel 10 minutes from now, an hour from now.
Check out our June 17th workshop in Santa Monica: thefinancialwhisperer.com/events
Sunday, June 7, 2009
NARCISSISM Vs LOVE
In talking to a client yesterday and I took her down the path of her mother's behavior when she was very young. By now with my client, her mother's narcissism has been identified many times over as the source of where her life split in two. But, she cannot let go .
I was able to show her that it was not that her mother did not love her, because she did; all mothers love their children. BUT WHO CAME FIRST was the problem; Mother's needs came first, her daughters needs came second.
Being able to separate narcissism from love gave my client the space to have compassion for the past and patience for the future.
We all have to remember: Our parents were children in adult bodies. They were trapped and although they APPEARED to be grown-up, they too were 5 yrs old...forever.
We have a chance to shift and now heal, so that we do not continue to live with so much fear and anger.
Our "Clever Women in Conversation" workshop starts June 17th...check it out at:
www.budurl.com/bxx5
I was able to show her that it was not that her mother did not love her, because she did; all mothers love their children. BUT WHO CAME FIRST was the problem; Mother's needs came first, her daughters needs came second.
Being able to separate narcissism from love gave my client the space to have compassion for the past and patience for the future.
We all have to remember: Our parents were children in adult bodies. They were trapped and although they APPEARED to be grown-up, they too were 5 yrs old...forever.
We have a chance to shift and now heal, so that we do not continue to live with so much fear and anger.
Our "Clever Women in Conversation" workshop starts June 17th...check it out at:
www.budurl.com/bxx5
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
The Cry For Help...
I got a call two days ago from someone who needed help in getting over her fear of public speaking. She is the CEO of a Fortune 500 corporation.
Someone might think: "how does public speaking relate to financial disarray?”
Most answers are not on the surface…like: No savings=financial disarray.
Most of what we do is disguise our inner world with metaphors, symbols, negative habits, so that the material world doesn’t “see” our pain. The irony is:
Someone who really knows themselves and has an inkling of awareness can see right through the façade; I call it: Hidden In Plain Sight.
When people are out of control, they express it in a variety of ways.
Some people pick finances, some pick alcohol, some pick weight, some pick intimacy. Regardless, it is all about their inner world crying for help.
As we dug deeper into her journey of success we were able to see that as a young child, there was no room for her to be her. The pressures and responsibilities cast upon her as a very young child hi-jacked her youth.
A child’s feelings are the building blocks of their identity. When that window of innocence closes, around 5 years old, their “marching instructions” are cemented; they’ve gotten clear instructions as to HOW to move through the world in order to survive.
The trip wire here is: we are now adults, doing adult like things but our emotional imprinting is when we were 5 years old.
My client’s pain is: lack of self-trust, lack of clarity of boundaries. Where did she begin and her older sister end…
**********************
Visit www.financialwhisperer.com/events.htm for information on our June 17th workshop being held in Santa Monica…@the store: Clever on Main...
30 women building community and getting answers to why they feel stuck.
“Clever Women In Conversation” four weeks, $120 total….
Someone might think: "how does public speaking relate to financial disarray?”
Most answers are not on the surface…like: No savings=financial disarray.
Most of what we do is disguise our inner world with metaphors, symbols, negative habits, so that the material world doesn’t “see” our pain. The irony is:
Someone who really knows themselves and has an inkling of awareness can see right through the façade; I call it: Hidden In Plain Sight.
When people are out of control, they express it in a variety of ways.
Some people pick finances, some pick alcohol, some pick weight, some pick intimacy. Regardless, it is all about their inner world crying for help.
As we dug deeper into her journey of success we were able to see that as a young child, there was no room for her to be her. The pressures and responsibilities cast upon her as a very young child hi-jacked her youth.
A child’s feelings are the building blocks of their identity. When that window of innocence closes, around 5 years old, their “marching instructions” are cemented; they’ve gotten clear instructions as to HOW to move through the world in order to survive.
The trip wire here is: we are now adults, doing adult like things but our emotional imprinting is when we were 5 years old.
My client’s pain is: lack of self-trust, lack of clarity of boundaries. Where did she begin and her older sister end…
**********************
Visit www.financialwhisperer.com/events.htm for information on our June 17th workshop being held in Santa Monica…@the store: Clever on Main...
30 women building community and getting answers to why they feel stuck.
“Clever Women In Conversation” four weeks, $120 total….
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