Ironworkers of our psyche

There I was, driving away from date #2 with bachelor #12, and I was edgy, which is a red flag for under-the-surface-anger.

It took me several hours to determine WHY I was off my “perch”; he was/is totally lovely, a great ‘catch’ (does this come from: Fish In The Sea phrases we grew up with ??), so why the bad mood ?

I figured out that his lack of questions made me feel as if I did not exist…which was a scar from my childhood….my father and brother ignored me or was verbally abusive….not a good first impression of the male specie.
And, being that I have never had a totally healthy relationship with either of my husbands (how could I…...I picked the ‘wrong’ men.), my deductive reasoning was set until 3 days ago:
My father was a man. My father was abusive. Bob is a man, ergo, Bob will be abusive. UMPH!

My relationship coach, Bobbi Palmer (http://datelikeagrownup.wordpress.com) argued with me that the fact that he did not ask a lot of questions like my friends do, does not mean he is not interested. “CHANGE THE DEDUCTION,” she told me. “NO”….was my reaction. I held onto the perception of men because it was comfortable to me. Fear is the ironworker of our inner 4 year old; she holds onto these mis-conceptions for protection against future onslaught. The past will become the future.

And, the next evening when I was on a date with bachelor # 13, and he did span ask a lot of questions, my whole persona shifted…I was more animated, more engaged, and I was having a great time. What did I learn?
A. Men who are in sales move through the world differently than attorneys, doctors, architects, etc. and their asking questions doesn’t necessarily mean anything but gathering information.
B. Men who are grown up move through dating differently
C. This is really about my choice to heal, move ahead to the next level and leave behind the iron structure that has now become fluid and soft.

So, here it is Sunday morning and I have heard twice from #12 since our lunch on Thursday, not a peep from #13….

And the beat goes on…