Going to the Dark Side..

I am taking a break from my dating chronicles to talk about something we all do in different degrees at different times.

I was talking to my very dear friend Nicole last night and she was feeling REALLY GOOD…great, actually. This was about 7:30 PM, her children were in bed, and she was just over the moon with joy…. why? Well, she started her day by really changing the way she responds to her 6 yr old son’s unreasonable request at 6 AM (“ Mommy, can you come and turn on the light.).
Then, as she made them breakfast, she sang songs in a hillbilly accent which made her kids laugh.
After dropping her kids at school, she went for a robust walk with a friend, found a dime on the cement (it was St Patrick’s Day, after all).
Spoke to another friend who gifted her with flight tickets for her trip to DC next month…
Then stopped at her husband’s office to drop off some files….and unexpectedly had wonderful sex….(he was in between patients), then had lunch with another friend, who then treated her….hey, this is a very good day so far.

Came home, spoke with the accountant…instead of owning $$$, they are getting a refund.

Picked up the kids, took them for play dates and ballet….was home to make dinner, baths, and rented a video to watch while her husband went to his monthly car meeting.
7:30 PM as she is recounting the day and why she is so happy, she starts to deflate. I have been listening, thinking, not speaking.
Finally she says in a small voice: “ Oh, I feel so foolish rambling on about my day, which must seem so trivial to you. I feel so silly …”

Finally I spoke.
“ Do you see what you just did? You were feeling great, but needed my approval on YOUR FEELINGS to stay in the moment. You always trade off how you feel, which is the root of confidence, to make the other person feel….what ?
So they will like you ? Or, you feel not entitled to all the goodies you received today.”

So, we talked about that.
How often do all of us fall into the ditch, go to the dark side, trade off our Alpha Wolf female to make “someone else” happy? Or so we think.
Truth be known, those monsters, as I call them, have moved on a long time ago.
It is our comfort level and addiction to those old behaviors that keep us connected to those old assumptions.

Why do we often choose to assume the negative instead of the positive? When our demons arise, it seems that instead of plowing through and just assuming the positive, we assume the negative and spiral into that habitual place of comforting discomfort rather than stepping into in the light of our blessed selves.

The Beat Goes on....

So, here we are at 5 men and 6 dates later...my dating coach, Bobbi Palmer (http://datelikeagrownup.wordpress.com) said to me: " OMG, you were wearing YOUR GYM CLOTHES on the first "date" ???!!!! To which I replied: " Hey, I look great in those skin tight pants and tank top, even Tom Cruise would consider batting for the other side after seeing me..." She was not amused. Her attitude is: First dates should be about being feminine, second dates can be about looking hot in gym clothes. She thinks this is especially important for me since, like many women in business, I have challenges bringing out my femininity. And I do want to work on this. So she thinks dressing the part will help.

Well, that shoots my practical side of walking with them for the first date, so I don't waste time with coffee dates. Hmmmm.

Well, ok....so on my second date with bachelor # 4, I wore Jeans, which he commented on, ok..good...working out pays off..ok...I get it, I never get tired of people commenting on what great shape I am in for my age.

But, back to him...he is an engineer and was very interesting when we talked about gliders and things I could relate to...But, he's really not my 'type'.

But a strange thing happened in the bookstore: after the movie, after dinner, when we cruised around B & N, and he was constantly talking while I am trying to read book covers, I looked at him over the table filled with books about the Kennedys...and he actually looked cute...WHAT ???

How can that be...? He is not my 'type'....zero chemistry...what's the deal ?

More in my next posting....

Online dating is not for wimps...

I got divorced for the second time, and 3 months later I was invited to a summer wedding.
I shuttered at the reality of going solo...and realized I had been avoiding dating because I was mis=trusting of men. And, being the "FEAR DOCTOR", I took myself as a client and forged ahead, confronting the fear. I hired a "Relationship Coach", Bobbi Palmer and proceeded to get back into the 'water'. This was exciting and nerve racking.
Getting my pictures done properly was an ordeal...EVERYONE else who has ever taken my picture made me look stiff; that might be ok for a martini, but not for dating.

BUT...Bobbi knew exactly the right person..and I was amazed...even my sister in NY said I looked glamorous...HA ! Amazing....anyway, the next step was writing the intro..another ordeal. But, Bobbi is a genius and crafted my words from boring to amazing, from 'can't make up my mind' to "open", from 'willing to do anything' to 'spontaneous'...

So, now onto the rules of dating on line....talk about counter intuitive...women calling men...? are you nuts ????? Not where I come from...but, I am a good pupil, and I paid her so I better listen to her....more in my next blog....