But, do you still love me ?

I saw this wonderful film recently, made several years ago, LOVE ACTUALLY.

And, I watched the outtakes for the first time and listened to the director's comments.
His belief is that when it is all said and done, the two most important aspects in our lives are: who has control, and do you still love me.
Statements about power and abandonment.

He then goes onto show that in spite of hardships, that's what people think about; that's what they worry about.

I recently had a blow up with a long time friend from college (that's 40 years of friendship) and it was not over something small and stupid, but medium sized annoying.
We did not talk for several days. I knew she was right, but could not bring myself to admit to myself what an idiot I had been; apologizing to her would have been easy, but the embarrassment I felt, kept me silent.
Until I stepped back and really looked at the underlying issue: fear of loosing her to something avoidable.

As soon as I could admit that to myself, and then forgive myself for being so controlling, I could calm down and apologize to her.

And, after all was said and done, did she still love me ?

The fear of abandonment is so potent, it is it's own currency. It underlies almost everything we do.

And, PS, we argued about getting mammograms...she won't, I do...