But, do you still love me ?

I saw this wonderful film recently, made several years ago, LOVE ACTUALLY.

And, I watched the outtakes for the first time and listened to the director's comments.
His belief is that when it is all said and done, the two most important aspects in our lives are: who has control, and do you still love me.
Statements about power and abandonment.

He then goes onto show that in spite of hardships, that's what people think about; that's what they worry about.

I recently had a blow up with a long time friend from college (that's 40 years of friendship) and it was not over something small and stupid, but medium sized annoying.
We did not talk for several days. I knew she was right, but could not bring myself to admit to myself what an idiot I had been; apologizing to her would have been easy, but the embarrassment I felt, kept me silent.
Until I stepped back and really looked at the underlying issue: fear of loosing her to something avoidable.

As soon as I could admit that to myself, and then forgive myself for being so controlling, I could calm down and apologize to her.

And, after all was said and done, did she still love me ?

The fear of abandonment is so potent, it is it's own currency. It underlies almost everything we do.

And, PS, we argued about getting mammograms...she won't, I do...

OPRAH TAKES A BEATING

Excuse me, but this latest news fest about one of my favorite celebrities is getting on my nerves.
Now, I know she prides herself to be one of 'us'; that she suffers with the same issues as we do, and I know she started the topic in public, but I am feeling somewhat protective of her.

I assume she has had formal therapy, we all know she reaches for the spiritual level, but when her trainer goes on TV and claims he asked why she gained the weight, or why she is fat....I stop right there.
Are you kidding...that is the LAST thing you ask someone who clearly struggles with an old issue.

Do I ask people: " So, why are you broke ?" NO !! The way to help people deal with their old, old demons is to be gentle yet firm; probing but not stepping over the line; help through making their burden lighter, not more shameful.
Helping someone heal is not about smacking them in the face. I am sure she ok'ed his public remarks....that does not make it right...it may make ratings, but she is doing harm to herself.

And, she does not need to go public about that core issue that steers her off the weight path every time.

She needs to talk to me.