Fear of Success...Fact or Fiction ?

We all have heard the phrase: Fear of failure or Fear of success; we have all accepted the notion of Fear of Failure as the driving force for one to become successful, whether it be rooted in shame, loss or simply genuine personal goals of excellence.

And, then the opposite phrase, Fear of Success, has become accepted as an explanation as to why people get in their own way and can’t seem to get to the next level.

In defining success, it appears differently for all of us; some have financial issues, some have intimacy challenges, some have creative blocks. But, the root is always the same.

I have lived in the fear of success category most of my life, only to have it shattered by a seemingly innocent conversation with my friend Bonnie.

As Bonnie and I were bantering back and forth about some people’s innate need for approval in the workplace, she stumbled upon the realization that success is the result of actions taken today. Success is in the future. In order for success to materialize tomorrow, one must be authentic with their own power and goals today.

It’s really the fear of being one’s self that gets in the way, not the fear of success. When one is raised by adults whose needs overwhelm the child’s needs, the child adapts quickly and understands that in order to survive, pleasing the parent or older sibling is the key. However, by the time the child becomes an adult, they are still reacting to the outside world as if they are still four years old. Everything in their universe is external…pleasing that monster in their closet is the driving motivation, and then distorts their current perceptions of themselves.

As OPRAH wrote this month in her magazine, “WHATEVER SOMEONE DID TO YOU IN THE PAST HAS NO POWER OVER THE PRESENT; ONLY YOU GIVE IT POWER.

Developing self-awareness in order to understand one’s journey is the key to unlocking  these dysfunctional chains. Getting at the bare-knuckle truths will free one, and nudge them towards making choices that truly reflect who they are, not who they think they need to be. Share with us your who was your monster in your closet, and how you struggles to get 'free'.

 

 

The Financial Whisperer

Thefinancialwhisperer.com

Fear and Choice...

Fear and Choice are actually the opposite sides of the same coin; they travel together, sleep in the same bed together, eat from the same fork, but are not best friends. In fact, they are opposing energies.

In this month's newsletter, I continue to address what I had brought up in October ... FEAR and how it can steer the bus into a ditch. Or, how CHOICE can keep the bus on the road. All of us who grew up in dysfunctional families have lived with fear. And, often when we are feeling afraid, it is really something rooted in our childhoods fueled by our imagination.

How do you identify your fears...where do you put them...or not?
Do you have ways of managing the moment so you don't slide off the road into a ditch ?

I did not start identifying FEAR as a separate entity until I read The Artist’s Way, I did not start managing it until much after…I was too scared to step out of the shadows.

I have been working diligently to release my fears over the last two years, and it is a slow process because it is so sensitive and old, but at a recent dinner party, I saw someone who I had not seen in ages. She took me aside and asked why I looked so different ... younger (new teeth), thinner ( hired a wellness coach) clear skin and eyes ( eating right) and happier ( releasing the inner demons). And realized that for all those horrible moments and sometimes hours of fear and isolation, there has been a pay-off: I have made genuine progress towards healing and peace, and will continue to do so.

Share with us how you have witnessed your growth towards peace. Or, if you are struggling, share with us when does it occur, how does it appear, and the dance you do between bringing it close and pushing it away…