Do you live in fear that you'll never have enough money ? Does your fear keep you up at night ? Are you afraid to spend any money at all, or do the opposite and spend too much ? This blog is the safe harbor for sharing all of your feelings about money; experiences and reactions to finances.
The Financial Whisperer
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I am a powerful force for helping people know and understand how they allow their emotions to manage their money.
3 comments:
This is familiar territory to me. I have always felt so unsure and either inspired or envious of others that were so certain in what they were doing. I grew up learning not to value myself or believe that I had anything to contribute. I have really fought against that at times and achieved quite a bit, but it is always still there. I wake up sometimes in the middle of the night wondering who I am and why I can't be more. I went back to school and am good at what I do. I took such a leap and owe quite a bit of money which has had me frightened to a standstill for such a long time. I don't know if I can get through it and at times don't feel that I am strong enough. I have isolated myself from others and I guess from myself too. I have dreams sometimes...memories of how a breeze felt on a certain kind of day, a sound I used to love or a smell. It makes me remember who I was and what I loved..and I wonder if I will ever be that person again..who is able to find joy in little things and feel safe.
My mother had a stroke when I was 2 1/2 that left her bedridden until her death when I was 7 years old. My favorite thing to do when I was between the ages of 5-7 was to dash in the door from school and run into her bedroom and see her light up. The joy that I knew I brought her was so evident on her face when I arrived, and I would cuddle up next to her and tell her about my day or show her my latest artwork, or bring out her jewelry box and sort through it while she watched with delight.
Then one day she was gone. Just gone... not there one morning when I went in to see her and never there again. I can not put into words the depth of emptiness and pain that I felt. I think that it was too big...much too big for a little girl to understand and so I put it away. Stuffed it and began to eat (junk food) in order to numb the pain. I survived by numbing the pain and putting on a smile that led people to think that I was "fine".
I realize while I write this that my mother's death is still so painful. Though I still wear the smile, I have learned to trust that I can admit that everything is not always fine. Like Lissa, I wonder if I will ever be that person... that little girl, that lived with abandon and joy.
I always have time for people in pain..call me or e-mail me...
Sometimes isolation and getting permission are the opposite sides of the same coin. We need to learn to have self-compassion, and we need to learn to reach out to those who can help us. You are not as alone as you think you are. Being gentle and soft with yourself is actually a sign of true strength.
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